Previously on Nip/Tuck:
Married?
- What kind of a joke is this? - This isn't a joke, Christian.
- Matt and I exchanged vows three days ago. That's right.
We' re pregnant.
Are we going somewhere?
You are going nowhere, which is why I am leaving.
So, what about Jenna?
Jenna will be at Ram's with the nanny...
...and that's where she will be staying when I am not with her.
Mr. McNamara? I ' m Colleen Rose.
You have a very naturalistic process.
Seanie, I need you tomorrow morning, 6 a. m. reshoot.
- Excuse me. - No, excuse me.
I ' m Freddy Prune of Hearts and Scalpels. Can I help you?
And I ' m Sean ' s agent.
Next week you have a nude scene.
But it's undignified-
I told that Freddy, " Forget it. "
You get to keep that scrumptious weenie of yours under wraps.
Hey, cookie. Ha. Got us some Jamba Juices.
I ' ve got Bananaberry or Razzmatazz. Which one do you want? Ha, ha.
AIDAN: Eden, right?
Are you looking for Sean? I think he's hanging out with the extras.
No, actually, I took the studio tour and snuck away.
I've always wondered if the big stars have beds in their trailer.
I am big, darling.
Do we have enough time?
AIDAN Oh, they'll wait. I run this show.
As a matter of fact, I run the whole goddamn network.
- This some joke? - I don ' t understand why I ' m here.
Sean McNamara!
You ' re the new star of Hearts and Scalpels. That's why you ' re here.
- What? - You put that bitch up to it to set me up.
I'm in the middle of a surgery.
Hi, Sean. We're CAA.
And we wanna be in the Sean McNamara business.
You will not take away my star. - Mm! Mm!
Not take away my Sean.
What are you doing here, Colleen?
I'm calling 911.
I think it's a good idea.
I'd rather stick with the current protocol.
I wanna look younger.
Like I did when we met. That's kind of what New York's about too.
New York?
I accepted a position at NYU's teaching hospital.
We're moving back in three weeks.
Sean, she's in V-tach. Her rate's 150.
Call 911.
We lost her. Olivia's dead.
JULIA: New York's gonna be so strange without her now.
- You're still going? - Mm-hm.
- Liz? - Yeah?
Can you stay a while?
Just until I fall asleep?
I'm not your significant other.
Well, you are kind of. I mean, heh, not really, but sort of.
Christian, I don't like men.
I like you.
I feel exactly the same way.
Most of the time, you drive me batshit, but you're the only woman I really trust.
LIZ: Sean.
Can I talk to you about something?
Liz won't be coming over tonight. She resigned.
She's moving back to Miami.
T ell us what you don't like about yourself, Mr. Skerritt.
The size of my penis.
A penis enlargement. Great.
Not an enlargement, a reduction.
I ' ve got a tyrannosaurus prick.
I ' m a yoga instructor, and few months ago, I was at a retreat up in Big Sur.
It was six weeks, intensive.
My body really started to open up.
And one day I was in plow...
...and I just started sinking deeper and deeper, and-
So was your penis prohibiting you from achieving certain poses?
No. I can't stop sucking on it.
You mean metaphorically.
No. I mean, I spend almost all day in my apartment with my dick in my mouth.
Oh.
Giant penis plus incredible flexibility equals the best blowjob you have ever had.
Self-fellatio, that's impossible. Ha, ha.
- Mr. Skerritt, that's not gonna be necessary. - No, wait, wait.
Ha, you can do that?
I can ' t hold down a job.
Can forget about a relationship...
...because nobody gets me off the way I can.
You guys have to help me.
I spend almost every waking hour with myself.
I know, it sounds like a joke.
But, unh, it's a goddamn curse.
CHRISTIAN: Don't you think you should see a therapist?
To deal with your compulsive behavior?
I've tried shrinks. I even tried the drugs they prescribed.
But nothing is as strong as the impulse.
Look, you guys staple fatties' stomachs so they won't eat.
What's the difference?
Well, the difference is there's no known surgery...
...for a penis reduction.
You can understand how that procedure might not be in high demand.
So, um, how many inches do you wanna lose?
I don't know.
Just enough so I'd have to break my back to get a taste.
Two inches?
Well, we're gonna have to research some options and get back to you.
Just do it quick. I ' m desperate, man.
Will you stop with the judgmental looks?
Don't tell me you guys have never tried it.
That close.
What?
Let me be clear, Kimmie.
I will never, ever do another surgery on you again.
Well, that's great, because I look and feel fantastic these days.
I'm not the one who needs a touchup.
She does.
Hello.
Oh, I see. So you've gone from stupid to completely insane.
Make fun of me all you want, Grandpa.
But thanks to my tireless devotion...
...your granddaughter has just been signed...
...to the hottest baby-modeling agency in town.
But to book the high-end campaigns...
...we' re gonna have to do something about her mouth.
- Her mouth? - The Steves...
...her agents, Steve Meyer and Steve Freedman, said...
...she was perfection, right?
Other than her thin, villainous lips.
Which she did not get from my side, by the way.
So it had to have come from that witch.
Julia.
Hey, Linda...
...do you mind, uh, stop practicing your putting, get your butt in here?
Are you gonna give her the injections now?
Well, that's fantastic.
Love of my life. Do me a favor?
Take little Jenna and give her a fruit bowl.
Come here, you sweet little thing.
Oh, my goodness. Aren't you so sweet?
Why don ' t you go with her...
...while I have a little chat with Joan Crawford?
I knew you would have issues.
There is not a plastic surgeon who'd operate on a baby.
Including me.
There are plastic surgeons here in Beverly Hills...
...who do work on babies.
Really? Name one.
Well, I don ' t know their names...
...but I know that the Steves refer all their clients to them.
They do Restylane, Botox, lipo-
Kimber, get out.
Answer me this, Christian.
Who's gonna pay for her college education?
Your son? That zero?
You touch one flaxen hair on the head of that baby...
...and I swear to you, I will get custody of Jenna.
Christian, you and I have gone to such tragic lengths to feel loved...
...because we weren ' t valued as children.
Now, I am determined to give our Jenna a shot at feeling special...
...and to develop her sense of self and her value.
And I will move heaven and earth to give that to her...
...because nobody did that for me.
So are you on board with that?
- Botox on a baby? - Uh-huh.
It's criminal. You need to talk to those modeling agents.
Kimber would never touch Jenna now. I put the fear of God in her.
It's not just for Jenna.
You have an obligation to find out the names of quacks they're using...
...before they hurt more kids.
Fine, figure out how to turtle Skerritt's dong and I ' ll get on it.
Well, the principle would just be the inverse...
...of the fundatory and suspensory ligament release...
...we do for penis enlargement.
Makes sense. Dot the ligaments, shrink the wang.
Yeah.
You know, if Liz were here, she'd be giving us a lecture right now...
...about how Mr. Skerritt's compulsive self-fellating...
...is just another example of our narcissistic society.
T ell me about it. Isn ' t it nice not to hear her Vagina Monologues anymore?
I tell you, screw Liz. She walked out on us.
No, she walked out on you.
How can someone as self-involved as you not see this is all your fault?
I accept responsibility, which is why I'm taking care of finding a replacement.
I talked to a headhunter yesterday. He sent over a stack of résumés.
Uh-huh. And what qualifications did you give him?
Must have big tits and a willingness to give blow jobs?
No. You put the résumés on my desk, okay?
I'm not getting stuck with some mediocre doctor...
...just because she happens to be a nice piece of ass.
Uh...
Uh, if I may ask, Theodora-?
- Call me Teddy. Teddy.
Who is Harley?
It's my hog.
Ha, ha. It's a motorcycle.
I race in the desert.
Oh. Uh, that would explain the motto on your other arm.
I got that after a wild night at Coachella. Mm.
And how do your patients react to these uplifting tattoos?
I've only ever gotten complaints from other physicians.
Uptight old farts.
Now...
Well, Dr. Rowe, ahem...
...you certainly like to live dangerously.
Mm. I like to live, period.
Look, I am very good at what I do.
To get this job, do I need permission from you to be who I am?
If so, let me know now. I'm out the door.
Uh...
I- You were first in your class at UCLA.
I cheated.
Kidding.
I just happen to pick things up pretty fast.
- You're lucky. - Maybe.
Maybe I just get bored quickly.
I see.
So, what guarantee do I have that you'll stay if we hire you?
There are no guarantees in life, doctor.
But I do promise, if I take the job...
...I will only take it if I find the place interesting.
Mm-hm.
And, uh, how do...?
How do we seem so far?
So far so good.
What about you?
Uh, your vitae is certainly outstanding, so-
Blah, blah, blah.
Anything else you find interesting?
Why do I suddenly feel like you're interviewing me?
I am.
Oh, my.
She said Granddaddy had good genes, but we're talking extra-special genes.
I don't know if Kimber's filled you in...
...but she's getting in on the ground floor of a billion-dollar industry.
Makeup, accessories, and, of course, fashion.
Armani, Gucci, everybody wants in, everybody's paying.
We think Jenna can be the next baby Cindy Crawford.
So, what's all this talk about changing her?
Dr. Troy, in theatrical parlance, Jenna has thin, villainous lips.
People don't like that look on babies.
They like full, bee-stung, sensual lips.
That is really sick.
Try to think of it another way.
You were circumcised, I presume.
Would you call yourself scarred or traumatized by that procedure?
Probably what scarred you was more about being misunderstood...
...or unloved by your friends and family.
That's a good answer, Steve. That's very good.
So who are your go-to baby plastic surgeons?
- I'm curious if I know any of them. - We don't disclose that information.
KIMBER: I'm sorry. CHRISTIAN: Oh.
I thought we came here today because you're interested in Jenna's future.
Right. Yep.
RECEPTIONIST It's Baby Dior.
They wanna book Amber for the fall collection.
Mm!
Hello, Mary, we're thrilled. What's the offer?
We're looking for five digits, Mary.
Ten thousand a day.
Ten thousand?
I had to do anal for that kind of money.
A limo with a fully-stocked bar for Mom...
...and all wardrobe becomes property of baby Amber.
Love you, Mary.
Stevie sends kisses.
So...
Where were we?
What type of augmentation did baby Amber receive?
She was a scowler.
There's cute crying with the tender little tears...
...and then there's angry, scowly crying.
People don ' t like that.
So she was given a little Benadryl lolly to keep her calm...
...and four units of Botox.
She was a beautiful girl before the Botox. She's a beautiful girl now.
The only difference is now, her college fund is full.
Hey, Steves, um...
...could you tell Christian how horrible and demeaning catalog work is?
The kind you said that Jenna would only book...
...if she didn't do the lip-filler.
It only pays about 275 a day.
And be prepared to wait in hallways...
...with a sea of snotty tots and poorly groomed moms.
I'm onto you guys.
Hmm?
Why go out and hustle when you can beat the competition with chemicals?
Come on, Kimmie, we're out of here.
We are not sharing Jenna's fortune with these lazy scumbags.
I ' ll be her manager.
Good luck with that.
Oh, Sean bear.
Oh, man.
I could use a cigarette right now.
Or a Jamba Juice.
You're insatiable, Colleen.
You're what fills me up, Seany bear.
You and your scrumptious, super-sized weenie.
- Oh. Ha, ha. - Mm.
Well, let's do it one more time before we eat, okay?
I ' m gonna make you hit an E-flat...
...then run to Hooters, pick me up some hot wings.
Oh, Hooters. Oh, my God.
Yeah?
Aidan, this is insane.
I know. I wrote the shit out of that script.
No, no, no. It's completely inaccurate.
I never slept with Colleen.
No, that's artistic license, dude.
It's called increasing the stakes, raising the drama.
We're taking the viewer on a journey, Sean. Just keep reading.
You're gonna love it.
AIDAN: No, Julia.
I said no, goddamn it.
Yes, I screwed a hot teen, but I'm not losing my children over it.
The only way you'll get custody of my children...
...is over my dead body, woman.
Damn it!
Oh, why?!
Why?!
Hey, Christian, I didn't see you there, buddy.
How was your day, partner?
Rough one, huh? Yeah, me too.
Oh, I got a face transplant at 7 a. m. I better hit the sack.
Don ' t stay up too late.
You killed Christian?
I didn't know what to do with his character anymore.
What did you do?
Colleen.
- Oh, my- - I gave you everything, cookie.
- Aah! - How could you leave me for the CIA?
CIA?
I left Colleen for CAA.
I know.
How cool is it I made you a spy?
What's the big diff, anyways? CIA, CAA.
They're both big, scary and think they rule the world.
No. I'm not selling you the rights to my story.
No way.
Look, Sean...
...you owe me, dude.
Since I got out of sex rehab because of your setup with Eden.
- I didn ' t set you- - Don ' t go there.
Don ' t even go there.
Next thing you know, I can ' t get a job.
Freddy replaces me with Ricky Schroeder.
I am depressed and I say, "You know what? Screw him. "
I ' m Costner, man. I ' m a triple threat. I write this script on spec.
Lifetime, the network, picks it up.
The Fairchild attaches herself to play Colleen.
Come on, Sean!
This is my comeback.
Deadly Tightrope: The Sean McNamara Story.
It's my Dances With Wolves, man.
No.
I ' m giving myself to you, Sean.
I ' m sacrificing myself for you. I ' m unarmed.
What are we gonna do?
AIDAN: We gonna kill some Indians?
Aidan, no.
We' re not gonna kill them, no. We're gonna help them.
You're gonna read it.
Just read it, Sean.
Just read the whole thing. The ending ' s amazing.
We'll talk. I ' ll call you. You call me. I'll let you sleep on it.
I love you.
See you.
Yeah. Yeah. She's got water, I know.
Yeah, I know.
Maybe she needs some food. We've been here over an hour.
I fed her twice. I'm trying to keep her from napping.
She's hot.
Honey, do you wanna play pat-a-cake?
No. - No?
Hi.
I ' ll be right back.
Ahem. Excuse me. Miss?
Miss? Excuse me.
Why'd that lady go straight in? Been here since noon.
- She had an appointment. CHRISTIAN: An appointment?
We had an appointment an hour ago.
You're not with the Steves, are you? They always get in first.
Thanks.
Oh, that is bullshit.
Come on, we're going in. Let's go.
Get the kid. We're going in.
I'm sorry. We have one more mom-
Listen to me, lady, they' re not gonna get the job. We are.
KIMBER: Oh, this is so Hollywood.
See, honey, look. They've got a fake beach.
Hi. I'm Christian Troy.
I'm the little starlet's manager, and this is Kimber Henry, her mother.
Next. Thank you very much.
- Excuse me? - Not what we' re looking for.
Have reception show the next one in.
Wait, is it because she's too fat?
She doesn ' t need to eat the day of the shoot.
You can't just dismiss us like that.
She's the most beautiful girl you've seen all day.
Afraid not. Thanks for coming.
This thing's for those sunglasses, right?
Just take a look, all right?
Hey, come on, sweetie. Show this lady.
Hey, look. The kid is a star.
Huh?
You want the honest truth?
Cover her ears, sweetie.
You ' ll never get her a national campaign.
Not with those thin, villainous lips.
That's my job.
The anesthesiologist not allowed to see the patient's body?
I would just prefer it if we followed protocol.
Oh, my God in heaven.
- Linda, get over here. - Stay where you are.
T eddy, that's enough.
Why would a guy write " Nam" on his dick? He looks too young to have served there.
Ahh, well...
It doesn ' t say " Nam," okay?
" Namaste. "
" Namaste" home at night and play with that thing.
- Oh, yeah. - All right, that's enough.
- I gotta get a picture of this first. - No, absolutely not.
That's unethical.
Then I won't ask you to take it.
You do it, Linda.
- It's not funny, T eddy. - Oh, Sean, relax.
No one will find out.
Give me that.
Now I know why Linda said the other guy's the fun one.
Fine.
I'll get in there. You know, I'm not a tight-ass.
You know. I can kick back.
Uh-huh. Stretch it out.
I ' ll do it.
Ha. Okay, that's great. Fantastic.
LINDA: Come on, smile. Get down.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, God, that's fantastic. Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha. I love that one.
Ha-ha-ha. - Oh, my God. One more, come on.
AIDAN: Holy shit, whoa. T ake one of me with that monster.
- Aidan, what are you doing here? AIDAN: Oh, yeah.
I'm shadowing you for the movie.
- Come on. LINDA: Okay, great.
- Perfect. - Get one of me with my lips on it.
Maybe that would make me gay.
We just took a picture for our medical records, okay?
AIDAN: Oh, all right.
What is he, a circus freak? I've never seen anything like it.
A yogi addicted to sucking himself off.
Wow, God, if I could do that...
- ... I swear I would never watch TV. Mm-hm.
AIDAN: Let's see how long it can get. - Enough.
Don ' t. You ' re suffocating it.
You read the script? Last scene?
T old you, I ' m not interested in having a movie made about my life.
- And that script is full of lies. - Well, so what?
At the end of it, you come out looking amazing.
The last scene, you're the hero.
You off Colleen, save your daughter. What else could you want?
Don ' t forget the nuclear bomb under the operating table.
Sweet. You don't like it?
- Easy lift. That's it, come on.
- It's an easy lift. This is over.
- What are you doing? That's it. Out.
Well, you know what? I don't like your fancy costumes anyway.
And your medical jargon.
Your fancy talks.
Doesn't even fit me.
None of this fits me!
I'm gonna scrub up.
Prep him.
Collagen's a natural substance.
I mean, babies get their ears pierced, right? I mean, do you consider that child abuse?
No. Come on, do it.
No. I'm not doing this.
You're a stupid wimp just like your pathetic son.
To baby Jenna.
To baby Burberry.
To my new best friends.
That right?
Cheers.
Whoa. Dude, watch it. You're gonna strain your milk, buddy.
Ahh, it's okay.
Stretching helps the circulation. I'll heal up faster.
Mm. Are you here to check my stitches?
Um...
I know it's hard to believe, but I ' m, uh...
I ' m not really a doctor.
Oh, okay.
I ' m sorry. Who are you?
Get your head out of the ashram, buddy.
Watch some television. Seriously.
I can ' t. I don ' t own one.
You-? Pfft.
Neither would I if I was swinging your club.
I guess doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't mean shit around here.
No, you know what? Right. You're absolutely right.
You know, your doctor, Sean McNamara?
Narcissistic prick.
Yeah. He's a ruiner of lives.
I have observed this firsthand.
I've been following him in anticipation of a television event I'm about to film.
I was there when he snapped a photo of your super-dick.
- What? - Yeah, he did.
Now, I am a phenomenal actor.
And even I couldn't hide my distaste at his despicable actions.
Why would he do that?
Why? That's a great question.
I don't know. Why would he?
Is he jealous?
Is he?
Is he jealous of your God-given gift? Your beautiful, beautiful gift?
I don't know.
It's possible. I can understand that.
Okay. Does he still have the pictures?
I don ' t know. I don ' t know.
- But don ' t worry, I ' m on your side, okay? - Thank you.
I am on your side. We' re gonna figure this out.
How am I-? You know what you should do?
- No, what? - You know what you should do?
This is your chance to cash in. Yeah.
I know you guys take a vow of poverty or something.
All you own is a pair of sweaty shorts and an incense burner, right?
Cash in.
My God, I should get a lawyer.
Yes. Yes, you should get a lawyer.
You should get a lawyer. You should sue the pants off him.
Now, teach me how you did a Miyagi.
Never fails. TEDDY Right there.
- It does look good. Ha-ha-ha. Hands on, looks good.
And the arms.
Put down that coffee cup. You don ' t work here anymore.
- Excuse me? - You ' re fired.
You can ' t fire her.
I can do whatever I goddamn like...
...when it comes to violating the rules of the American Board.
One of which just happens to be taking pornographic photographs...
...of a patient under anesthesia.
I just got an earful from suck-me-off in there...
...and he's threatening to get a lawyer.
Aidan.
So you did?
You actually took a Sears family picture of you two and that guy's dick.
That is just not funny.
- Yes, it is. - No, it's not.
Look, it was terrible what we did, okay? We weren ' t thinking.
But it wasn ' t meant for publication.
We were trying to relieve the stress of being snake wranglers.
When did I become the responsible one? Do you realize how ugly this could get?
Oh, relax, there is no evidence. I erased all the pictures.
This guy is a yoga teacher.
He lives off canned lentils.
Throw him a bone, he'll leave thinking he won the lottery.
I don't wanna relax. Okay?
And where am I gonna get this bone from? Petty cash?
We could sell a pair of your shoes.
Oh, yeah, that's real funny.
You hired her, you fix this.
Ahem. It's terrible. What we did is terrible.
- We should never have done that. - I'm sorry.
You eaten yet?
There's nothing to eat. I was gonna grab some dinner.
- You wanna come? - Nope.
I ordered Chinese for me.
Oh, come on.
Look, I ' m sorry about what happened.
I know it was stupid and immature.
And how could I be talked into something that was just so much fun?
Hey, when's the last time I cut loose?
Before Julia left?
Oh.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to give a shit about having fun.
Maybe you reach a certain age and fun just isn't what life's about.
Certainly hasn't been what my life's about.
CHRISTIAN: What the...? - Hurts, doesn't it?
Not as bad as when you stuck a needle into my daughter's mouth.
- What the hell is wrong with you? - Don't worry. There's nothing in it.
Different from the crap he shot into Jenna's lips...
...so she could sign some contract.
- Did you actually do that? CHRISTIAN: No, of course not.
Stop lying. I just picked her up from a play date.
She looks like she's got an inner tube in her upper lip.
That was my daughter. How could you?
It wasn't me, you asshole.
Did you ever think about Kimber?
Where's your phone?
I swear to God, if she- - Shut up!
What do you want, Matt? I'm shopping.
It's Christian on speakerphone with Matt.
Who did you get to shoot up my granddaughter?
Both of you need to calm down. There's nothing wrong with Jenna.
- Her lips are fine. I gave her the shot. You did what?
KIMBER I've been injected a thousand times.
I know where to aim and I know how hard to squeeze.
It's completely safe.
KIMBER: I simply borrowed the supplies from Christian when he refused to do it...
...and now Jenna's a star.
Alley cats who dump their litters in gutters...
...make better mothers than you.
Oh, then why don ' t you sue me, Matt?
Oh, wait, on second thought, you ' d better not.
I'll haul your ass into court for the months you're behind on Jenna's child support.
Why don't you shut up and say thank you?
What-? Thank you for what?
Your daughter is only 18 months old...
...and she's already more of a success than you ' ll ever be.
Be grateful.
I ' m sorry I stabbed you.
Don't pop any champagne corks just yet, Aidan.
I'm not saying yes.
I just wanted to know what the numbers might be.
All right. I'll call you.
Aidan says they're willing to pay 300,000 for the rights...
...and another 50 to consult on production.
- Holy shit. - Yeah, but I don ' t know.
If you read this script. It is terrible.
So have them hire someone else to rewrite it.
Or don't. Who cares?
Well, I care.
I mean, I don ' t want my image misrepresented.
I ' ve performed some of the most interesting surgeries of all time.
Of all time?
Sean, you should go hang out with Mr. Skerritt.
You two have so much in common.
You both love blowing yourselves.
I don't need to listen to this.
You don't understand the pressures I ' m under.
Trying to raise three kids.
Trying to save up, buy a place of my own.
And you're willing to turn down $350,000?
You walk around here like you have a camera on you, Mr. Perfect.
The dirty secret is no one cares.
Take the cash, give half of it to Manny Skerritt...
...and blow the rest on a trip to Vegas.
Stop worrying about how other people are gonna react and do what you wanna do.
Really? It's that simple?
It's that simple.
T ell us what you don't like about yourself.
Uh, I'll tell you what I don't like about L.A., bro.
Doing 95 down Sunset's against the law.
What happened to your neck, Aidan?
Oh. Ha, ha, funny story.
I was, uh- Pfft.
Was out bird-dogging with my Grey's bro, Paddy D.
Dempsey.
And, uh, paparazzi stopped us at a stoplight...
...and then, uh, we peeled out when the light changed...
...got some distance on those jerks, and then, uh, pfft...
...my Maserati hit an ice patch.
Next thing, we' re slammed against a phone pole at Beverly Glen.
So weird.
You hit an ice patch on Sunset Boulevard?
Yeah. Yep.
Anyway, broke my neck.
Does this mean Deadly Tightrope: The Sean McNamara Story...
...is not happening?
- Do I have to give the money back? - Jesus.
Is it always about you? I broke my neck.
The producers pushed the start date.
Which is a good thing...
...because I can rewrite the script, make it better, more honest, more real.
Get rid of all that boring bullshit with, uh- What's her name? Uh...
- Julia? AIDAN: Julia and the kid.
Let's make it more about my character, you know?
Really flesh it out. Workshop it.
So, what are you doing here, Aidan?
Well, I get these things out tomorrow...
...and I know they' re gonna leave a nasty scar at my temples.
Well, that's easy.
I think we can fit you in Friday morning.
Oh, great.
That's perf- Yeah.
I gotta get back to work.
Which reminds me. Oh, um... Uh...
Uh, you know, when I ' m under...
...you guys wouldn ' t mind adding a couple inches in my pants?
You want a penis enlargement?
Well, unless you can lengthen my tongue.
You broke your neck trying to suck your dick, didn't you?
What? Where did you come up with that?
That's- What do you-?
That's just- Ha, ha.
I can ' t keep the charade up. Um...
I wasn ' t bird-dogging.
There was no ice patch.
Ever since Manny Skerritt taught me how to pleasure myself...
...I ' ve been a man possessed.
I have gotten so close so many times, but I just couldn ' t-
I just couldn ' t- I just couldn ' t get to the-
You know, I just couldn ' t-
Just all I- I just want to give it little baby kisses.
That's all I wanted. I didn't ask much.
Then what happened?
I fall off my goddamn bed and I break my C2 vertebrae.
I just wanna taste some nectar, guys.
That's all I want.
Can you make that happen?
So we have some scars from his neck brace that we'll have to revise...
...as well as the penis enlargement.
And I always say start with the hard stuff first.
Fifteen blade.
A 15 blade? Sure you don't want a paper clip?
I mean, Linda, have you ever seen anything that small?
LINDA: Looks like two blueberries and a cocktail weenie.
He doesn't need surgery. He needs a miracle.
I ' m sorry, I ' m sorry. I ' m just gonna, ahem...
Don ' t need to cause any more trouble.
Actually, you know what? He's the one that caused all the trouble.
He almost cost you your license.
- Prick. - Little prick.
Do you have your phone on you?
Mm-hm.
- What are you doing? - Oh, just a little insurance policy.
Just in case my fee on The Sean McNamara Story...
...doesn ' t quite cover my expenses.
There we go.
Yeah, now I can offer up a little blackmail of my own.
Have dinner with me tonight.
Sorry, not interested.
I was thinking of something a little more adventurous.
CHRISTIAN: You're so beautiful.
You're perfect.
Huh?
And I love you.
Yes, I do. I love you very much.
I want you to know that...
That everything I do for you, I do...
I just want you to know there's somebody who'd give their life for you.
You know.
KIMBER: Christian, come on, get out of here. We have a shoot to do.
Her lips are impeccable.
And just the right plump.
Mama?
The hell are you doing?
What needed to be done, Christian.
It's lopsided, you sick, twisted bitch.
I've had filler a thousand times. It just needs time to spread.
Right?
Give me the goddamn needle.
She looks deformed.
KIMBER: See? She's not even crying.
Like they said, when you mix it with lidocaine, it just feels like a kiss.
Oh. Tsk.
Now you are perfect.
Aren't you, sweetie?
By the time I turn around, you better be gone.
Don't worry, Grandpa.
Your reputation's safe. I'll take the fall.
Everyone thinks I'm a horrible mother anyways.